Love hanging out with @leilanihayesphotography any day of the week. She is Wisdom. And she has a talent for beautifully editing the detail from the chaos of the world around her.
We were scoping out spots for Tonic & Cloth’s first summer photo shoot around Palmy CBD - Leilani captured this pic and when she shared it with me I thought, yup - how fitting. Me at a crossroads not knowing which way to go.
I’ve battled with the fear of failure so much this year. And the fear of the new. I’ve been uncomfortable a lot. I’ve felt uncertain and afraid. Stressed. I’ve had sleepless nights. I’ve worried that I haven’t put enough time into the business. That I haven’t put enough time into my kids. That I haven’t eaten enough greens, got in my 30 minutes a day, or practiced enough mindfulness. I’ve worried about how to spell Ochre, how to pronounce it- and wondered whether it suits my skin tone - and yours. Lord above. I’ve made a full time job from worry.
I found a notebook from the beginning of the year yesterday. Within it contained the words of my worry, cost projections, lists of ‘to do’, bills to pay, ideas that felt to big for my brain and my heart that I gingerly spelt out across the pages. And you know what - these early year worries have no bearing on today. They have melted away into the ether. They held me bound back then, those worries. Today had I not picked up that notebook I would have been unable to name them. - and there in is a lesson for me. Worry/fear melts away into nothing as we step through it. So if you’re there right now my friend - keep stepping, you’re nearly through it.....
I’ve also realised that mixed in with the confusion and frustration and fear of uncharted territory is also the deliciousness of those ‘what if’ questions, and the rewards and opportunities that arise when we push away from the shoreline and set sail.